How Not to Fall in Love

Love is a beautiful thing, whether we like it or not. In short, beauty cannot be genuinely expressed without love. At one point in time or the other, we have truly fallen in love; some find their soulmate while they are single, and some do so after being married. Meeting our soulmates earlier or later is not a guarantee that we will marry them. Well, this is not the story for today. I want to teach you how not to fall in love because there are many erroneous teachings regarding that.

How Not to Fall in Love

First, know that we do not choose people to fall in love with, nor do we even choose to fall in love. We have little or no control over our feelings. Everyone wants to get married to the best man or woman on earth, but not everyone lives to enjoy that dream. Therefore, if you have fallen in love with the wrong person, it is in your own interest to try to retrace your footstep at that instant you discover that you have conflicting interests or your value system to not rhyme.

In this case, either you accept to become a victim and endure the outcome or you choose to break away. Remember we are intentional people; so, we do not accept becoming victims. That is how not to fall in love. We choose to walk away.

Is it so much an easy thing to walk away?

Of course not! Walking away means becoming intentionally unavailable in the life of the other person. When we talk about the other person, we do not really mean an armed robber, a drug addict, an abuser, or someone who poses as a societal vice. When someone chooses not to love you back, the person is surely the other person.

Remember you can only have peace in a relationship if both of you are right there to reciprocate the love and to ensure the other person is satisfied with being in your life. If it is one-sided, then it is not balanced. It is how not to fall in love.

Check out how to flirt effectively with the opposite gender

If one person is putting all the work into making the relationship work, while the other person is passive about the whole thing, it is not a balanced relationship. At this instant, you choose to remain a victim or find the handle of the door, open it, and communicate from a considerable distance. That is if you must communicate at all.

I understand it is not easy to wave goodbye to the other person. But choosing to remain is not easy too because you are going to be exhausted and in the long run, you will count your losses.

Walking away from an unhealthy or uncommitted relationship

Walking away is not easy, as we have pointed out. Still, remaining in a relationship that is causing you pain is not the best to do. An unhealthy relationship leaves you with questions every day, though you may not want to answer them. Instead, you keep convincing yourself that all is well.

Punch Newspaper explains how to handle a non-committed partner here.

Friend, all is not well if you have doubts within you. You have questions that beg for answers concerning your partner, but you do not want to ‘offend the gods’ by sitting still and telling yourself the truth. I want to bust your bubble by telling you to answer the questions, no matter how hurtful they are. It is still better than living in denial.

Read also: How to deal with emotional pain

Now, let me ask you the questions:

Do you always feel the need to defend your partner before others who feel he or she is not right for you? Do your loved ones always express their concerns about your relationship?

Have you encountered any form of abuse: physical, verbal, psychological and emotional abuse?

Do you find it difficult to trust your partner?

Does your partner suspect you unnecessarily and even tend to harm you when you are being sincere?

Do you argue a lot about a particular issue with your partner? Do you end up not resolving the issue; or, do you keep apologizing to them?

Do you always try to understand your partner, but they make it difficult for you to do so?

Have you lost your self-esteem in the name of that relationship?

Do you always fear for your safety because of your partner?

What about their friends, do you like them?

Do you try to please your partner every time or even beg for their attention all to no avail? Or, if you get the attention, is it always satisfactory?

If your answer is yes to even one of the questions, you are not in a healthy relationship. To look for the handle of the door, the following are very helpful…

How to Walk Away from an Unhealthy Relationship

If your relationship is unhealthy and you are willing to press the exit button, the following will guide your decision:

Tell yourself the truth that your relationship is not healthy.

The moment you accept the truth; it will help you to make a move. As I said, it is very painful, but the truth always prevails.

For ladies: How to be a seductress queen

Resolve to walk away.

Convinced that you are not with the right person, it will be very beautiful to make up your mind to take a walk.

Break up.

This is the heart of the whole thing. Please, do not try to drag it or tell yourself that your partner will change. Do not even bother about what you have put into the relationship to make it work. Just b-r-e-a-k—u-p…and l-e-a-v-e.

Do not try to be friends.

You are not going to happily leave, remember. So, why be friends with someone you are angry at? Your immediate goal is to find ways to heal and not think of remaining friends with your now ex. You can do that later; but now, keep your distance. If possible, do not pick up their calls. Do not wish they could call you to hear your voice. End every form of contact for now. That is how not to fall in love.

Do not entertain any feelings or thoughts about your ex.

You will always remember the good things you did for the relationship. You will also remember those times you enjoyed good moments together. It is normal. However, it is very abnormal to entertain these thoughts or feelings. Resist them and fill the void.

You may also like: How to Untie Yourself from Unrequited Love.

Find ways to fill the void.

Do some positive things like seeing the movies, visiting some friends, volunteering to help some people out, going to the gym, reading some mind-elevating books, redesigning or rearranging your house, meeting new friends, traveling, and so on. In everything, find ways to be happy. Laugh from your heart. Do some funny things. Please, desist from playing love music or any form of music that reminds you of your ex. Also, try not to go to places that will trigger the memories you shared.

Learn how to negotiate yourself into a beautiful relationship

You are the one with the key to your life. Do not allow another person to take it away from you and drive you to a destination that is very different from what you have in mind. Get into the vehicle, take hold of the steering, and drive off…to your own destination. That is how not to fall in love. No one has ever died from not being in a relationship, but you can bear with me that many have died from choosing the wrong partner. Do not add to the number. So, make a positive decision today. Remember, it is your life.

I hope you learned something from how not to fall in love. Leave a comment and share it with others.