How to Deal with Emotional Pain

Emotional pain is a very serious issue that most people tend to overlook, probably because it is not as visible as physical pain. Physical pain or wound may earn you compassion and efforts to get you healed will be swiftly made, but emotional pain who can notice?

Many people move about with baggage of hurt without any hope of healing. Some would have loved to be healed, but they lack the ‘how’ of the healing process. That is why we want to look at how to deal with emotional pain.

Emotional Pain Explained

Some relationships have been seared and destroyed without repair because one person is suffering from an emotional wound. Heartbreak is a very painful experience that arises because of our expectations not being met. It does not occur in a love relationship alone; it occurs in all kinds of relationships. Some people believe that one’s heart can only be broken by a lover, but it is not true.

In a business deal, a dishonest partner is likely to dupe the other one who leaped without looking. A brother could convince the brother to lend him a certain sum of money, only to turn around without paying back. A daughter who was sent to school might get pregnant and drop out of school. A son might join cultism, armed robbery, and other social vices. Parents may divorce, leaving the children to nurse their wounds. There are so many instances, and all these lead to emotional pain. Learning how to deal with emotional pain is one of the best decisions ever.

Some people see it as childish, inappropriate, or embarrassing when someone suffers from emotional pain. That is why a man who cries for the loss of a parent is told to ‘be a man’ because men should not feel hurt or pain unless they want to be seen as women. For this reason, many carry emotional baggage about, are not interested in sharing it with anyone. They are scared of being labeled a name they are not or seen as a wrong notion, which could damage their self-esteem in the process. In some extreme cases, some people have taken to social vices like smoking, drinking, doing drugs, prostituting, and so on, as a way out of their predicaments.

Their lives are thrown upside down and left in chaos, while they question their chances of survival. Then, the issue of suicide might be contemplated.

The society is not even helping matters. There has been little or no attention given to one who undergoes emotional pain. Families and friends may offer a little comfort, but all for a little period before everyone minds their own business again.

A Center for Mental Wellness explained that when you experience difficult emotions, you experience emotional pain. Let’s learn how to deal with it.

How to Deal with Emotional Pain

To overcome or deal with hurt, you have to be involved in the process. It is not the responsibility of someone else to get you free from hurt. In short, expectations not met are the major reason our hurts linger longer than usual.

However, it is very possible to heal from the emotional pain and enjoy a life of peace and happiness. Below are the ways you can conquer your pain.

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Recognize that you are hurting.

It is better to settle it within you that what you feel is emotional pain. When you do so, you will be able to prevent the emotions from getting a grip on you and the conflict within you will try to settle. You will be able to calm your nerves and not jump to an irrational conclusion about the situation.

Identify the cause of the problem

What actually happened? You need to reflect on the situation to ascertain what the matter is. It is very necessary. You must find out what happened.

It could lead you on a long journey to the processes that led to the present issue. Not only that, you could feel more pained that you have been a fool for a very long time. Try to take your reactions and feelings at every point into consideration too. This will help you recognize the level of work you are going to do to completely be free of the pain. Consider the intention of the other person while trying to hurt you.

Was it intentional? Did they do it as a result of your past actions? Was your best interest considered when the action was performed?

Find out the reasons your relationship failed

Did the person say or do stuff out of their inability to control the situation and not out of sheer wickedness? Are they possibly going through pain and misfired at you?

Could they be hurting in some way, too? Do you need to overlook your pain and help them open up?

What are your expectations from the other person? Are they real or too overwhelming that the other person could fulfill? Would having a different expectation have helped?

It will be helpful to answer the above questions. However, some people could intentionally hurt another without feeling any qualms about it.

That is why you should be able to differentiate between cause and effect and know how to take on the next step which is…

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Find a way to resolve the hurtful feelings.

The deed has been done, as you can see. So, you have to accept reality and get yourself back on your feet. If possible, approach the other person to resolve the issue. You could talk about it and tell the person what happened and how you feel. Always know that the person may not be sorry.

But that is not the issue because it is not about them, but you. Be assertive and humble and resolve to forgive, no matter the reaction of the person.

If it is not easy to approach the person, you have the option of finding a way to heal from the hurt. It is very easy to blow things out of proportion when feeling hurt. Nothing else matters at this period that you no longer care. You can do the following to be healed.

How to Heal Easily from Emotional Pain

Dealing with emotional pain is akin to identifying the cause of the problem and finding the best way to heal. The following will be helpful:

Focus on your blessings and the things you are grateful for.

Doing this will help you to realize that there are other areas of your life you can count on and they also need your attention. This will bring happiness to you.

Focus on your strengths.

Redirect your energy from the object of hurt and focus on those things that give you more energy. Do not start judging yourself for becoming yet a foolish person. Do not see things from the point of negativity. You have great qualities like forgiveness, compassion, patience, integrity, honesty, self-confidence, and so on. See the benefits of having them instead of all that you have lost for staying true to yourself. It will definitely pay you one day.

Do not forget the important people in your life.

Some people play a major role in your existence, do not cut them off because one person is flawed. Focus on them. Focus on the good things you derive from being in their lives.

Do not hurt them. Inculcate the habit of treating people nice, no matter how they decide to treat you.

Let go of the hurt.

It might take a gradual process to totally forgive; it is normal. The main thing is that you are releasing yourself from the pain of the hurt. As you are healing, learn from the experience. Know that people will not, because you are a nice person, treat you nicely. Rather, you should understand people before committing your emotions to them. Your decisions next time should be properly guided in order not to fall victim again.

Be a happy person.

This is not an option, but a must. If you want to live long, learn how to be happy. Make yourself happy in the midst of pain. You will always meet negative people; do not let them determine your happiness. That is why you must curtail your expectations from people, to be able to contain disappointment.

Accept responsibility for what happened.

In one way or the other, you were part of what happened. At least, you opened the door for the enemy to get hold of you.

Assuming it was a love relationship, you accepted to be a lover to the wrong person, which was why you were broken. However, accepting responsibility entails that you should be careful next time. Lay a better path for a more productive future.

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Do not take things personally or view everyone from the same lens.

Try to overlook some actions and laugh over things instead of calling them to mind. Also, know that there are both good and bad people and you will always meet them. People make mistakes, too.

Sometimes, all you need is to understand them and show them compassion, instead of reaching a negative conclusion. When you see things, as they ought to be seen, then, you are likely to feel less hurt when the situation arises.

Be there for people.

This is the last charge. Some people begin to avoid every Tom, Dick, and Harry once one person hurt them. Everyone becomes a prime suspect and this will make them keep away from others.

Please, do not be like that. People still need you. In short, we need one another to survive in this beautiful world. So, extend a helping hand when need be.

Laugh with people. Feel free in your dealings, while being careful. Just be your best and allow God to take care of the rest.

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In conclusion, always have one or two lessons to coin out of your experiences. The importance of learning a lesson is to avoid making the same mistake again as well as to see things from a different viewpoint.

Furthermore, you will understand people better: their motives, feelings, and intentions. Once you refuse to learn from the mistake, you are likely to undergo the same process again. It is a universal law.

As you learn, grow in your knowledge, wisdom, and understanding because they will guide your decisions and actions next time. The ultimate is that you are a changed person, for good.

I hope you learned how to deal with emotional pain. Leave a comment and share the post with others.