Relationship and Value System: How they intertwine

Your relationship is more important than having a relationship. You can read that again! Before going into a relationship, you must have some guided beliefs to help you build a lasting relationship with your partner. This is what I mean by relationship and value system.

If there are no core values surrounding your life, it will be challenging to create boundaries or identify those of your would-be partner. According to MasterClass.com, Core values are the guiding principles and fundamental beliefs of a relationship.

So, I want to take you on a journey of relationship and value systems, how they interconnect, and ways to build the best. Keep reading!

How Your Relationship and Value System Intertwine

In defining your relationship, you must know those things that are important to you and put them first as you get to know your partner. There must be things you look for before making up your mind to become attached to someone else.

I always say that you should have your list of what you want in a partner and ensure you tick the boxes of the most important ones on the list and make sure they are your priorities.

These things are not your usual ‘he must have a car,’ she must be tall,’ and so on. This has to do with what the person values most in life and how it would affect your relationship with them.

Do not be carried away by the ‘In a Relationship’ status that you forgot to understand if the person is actually whom you want. Both of you must speak the same language and behave in a somewhat similar way. That is, you must align with each other in your communication.

When you have to keep asking your partner to behave in a particular way or to do a particular thing or see things from your point of view, and they feel offended and unready to change, it goes a long way to show that your values do not align.

You are forcing someone’s child to be what they are not and not ready to become. Do you enjoy the corresponding frustration?

The worst part is that you want to marry the person. That would be catastrophic!

Many of us have committed this relationship blunder and some marriages are in shambles due to that. Blame it on the society. But in my world, you don’t blame anyone for your problem, you own your sh*t.

What is a Value System?

Let’s now define the value system. They are those driving forces behind your existence on Earth and you want to live by them as long as they are right.

As you go through them, they will help you to adjust where necessary or change your mindset to accommodate the new you. You must lay your relationship and value system side-by-side to see if they align.

What can you do if the ring isn’t forthcoming? Check out these powerful tips.

Values Explained

Values are different from the nice things you do to spice up your relationship, which may not add anything to it when a crisis happens. Your values are based on your experiences in life and will affect everything you do or become.

When we talk about values, boundaries set in because there cannot be a relationship and value system without setting boundaries. You can’t have values without boundaries.

Boundaries are those things you cannot accept from someone, whether your partner or someone else. They are your deal breakers.

When there are no boundaries, your values may not be communicated properly. They help you to know what is good or bad or right or wrong, in terms of morality and your feelings towards life.

They help you to take action or put an end to something. Also, they guide you in terms of self-respect. They are more of your needs than your wants because they are part of the driving force behind charting your life course.

A lack of values makes you uncomfortable because you cannot do without them. They make people treat you anyhow because you have nothing to guide your actions and tolerance. This may be part of the reasons your relationship failed.

Let me point out here that if you improve your self-esteem, your values may change or adjust to accommodate your new belief system. As someone wanting to spend the rest of their life with someone who can give them peace, you must know your values and communicate them in your relationship.

Examples of core values are respect, trust, care, love, integrity, honesty, kindness, fun-loving, safety, appreciation, and loyalty. Crises arise when your core values do not align with those of your partner.

For example, you cannot trade sincerity for anything else and your partner is one that lies through his or her teeth. There is going to be countless misunderstandings until one person gives up, unless the other person is ready to change, which could be dependent on your approach too, not forgetting that you cannot change who does not want to change.

This is why appearance, chemistry, and attraction are not core values because they only spice up the relationship. They could be seen as secondary values while core values are primary.

Therefore, without primary values, secondary values are wastes. If your primary values are not met, you may lose interest in your secondary values.

For instance, you cherish faithfulness but mistakenly love a guy because he can satisfy you in bed. If he cheats on you and keeps doing that, you might end up not interested in the mind-blowing sex anymore.

What happened? Your core values are not found in him! So, do not make your secondary values your primary ones because you will end up regretting it in the long run. There will be a conflict of interests and your joy and happiness will automatically disappear.

Now, you understand that the ideology that you can marry anyone is not wholesome. You cannot marry just anybody; you must have a common ground for coming together.

You must know what you are going to look for in a partner. I advise that you should possess them too so that your would-be partner can recognize you when both of you meet.

Remember I said common interest; which means that your prospective partner is also looking out for that same thing you are looking out for and the moment both of you find it, you will easily attract each other. Compatibility sets in here, too. So, you see the perfect match is not just physical. If you are spiritual, the Bible calls it ‘The perfect will of God.’

Are you entangled in an unrequited love web? Here are ways to untie yourself from unrequited love.

It is good to understand your best three to five core values. You can brainstorm and make a list of what you value the most. Your core values are attached to your belief system. Dig deep to understand those driving forces of yours.

You do not have any? Start now to acquire them and make sure that they are positive. It is important to understand how your relationship and value system intertwine.

If you are in a relationship, crosscheck your values with that of your partner to understand if they align. If they do not align, you now understand the reasons behind your constant disagreement.

If you don’t have the right values, which your partner has been hammering on, you can choose to acquire them if they are positive.

If both of you have conflicting values, you can choose to discuss it to see how you can rectify the situation or you can choose to move on if your partner remains adamant.

Remember I always encourage that you choose peace of mind over anything else. Make the best of your choice, please.

Before leaving, learn to negotiate your way into a beautiful relationship.

Did you learn anything about your relationship and value system? leave a comment and share the article with your loved ones.