Forgiveness and Letting Go of Past Hurt: A Journey to Freedom

Hey there!

Let’s have a heart-to-heart about something we have all struggled with at some point—forgiveness and letting go. It’s a heavy topic, but we will add a little warmth and maybe some “aha!” moments. Grab a coffee or tea, sit back, and let’s unpack this together. I assure you that you will want to read it again.

Why Forgiveness is Easier Said Than Done

• The Myth of “Just Forget About It”
  Have you ever had someone casually tell you to “just let it go” as if it is as simple as tossing an empty soda can into the trash? Ha! If only! Forgiveness isn’t about wiping your memory or pretending the hurt didn’t happen.

Sometimes, people want to trivialize issues. But it does not stop forgiveness from being what it is. It is about choosing peace over pain and reclaiming your emotional energy. Forgetting isn’t and can never be the goal – healing is.

• We All Have an Inner Lawyer

When someone hurts us, our minds get to work like courtroom dramas: “Exhibit A, they betrayed me. Exhibit B, they didn’t even apologize.” Holding onto grudges sometimes feels like holding onto a sense of justice.

But spoiler alert: Forgiveness isn’t about letting the other person off the hook—it is about freeing yourself from carrying their actions around.

Understanding What Forgiveness Really Means

• It’s for YOU, Not Them

Let’s get one thing straight: forgiveness isn’t a gift you give the other person. Rather, it is a gift you give yourself. Carrying resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to feel the effects.

Spoiler alert: They are out there living their lives, while you are weighed down by bitterness. I mean the other person. So, you see? It is not worth it.

• It Doesn’t Equal Reconciliation

Forgiveness doesn’t always mean repairing the relationship. You can forgive someone and still maintain boundaries. Think of it as decluttering your emotional closet.

That means you are making room for what actually serves you, not dragging old baggage around. Think about it so you don’t get to drag your enemy back into your space.

• You Can Forgive Without an Apology

Waiting for someone to say, “I’m sorry” can feel like waiting for rain in a desert; it’s not guaranteed. Forgiveness is about finding closure on your terms, with or without their acknowledgment.

It does not mean they cannot apologize, but they may not do so. For how long will you keep waiting for something near impossible to happen?

How to Start Forgiving and Letting Go of Past Hurt

1. Acknowledge the Pain

First thing is to admit you are hurt. Sounds obvious, but how often do we brush it off with a breezy “It’s fine” when it is anything but fine? Allow yourself to feel the anger, sadness, or betrayal.

It is part of the process. Bottling it up only turns it into emotional TNT waiting to explode. You may not like the outcome, believe me.

2. Understand the Why

Ask yourself, “Why does this hurt so much?” Is it because they crossed a boundary? Broke your trust? The more you understand the wound, the easier it becomes to address it.

Remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning what they did. It means processing it in a way that allows you to move forward.

3. Shift the Perspective

Now, this is the hard part: Try to see things from the other person’s perspective. Were they acting out of their own pain or ignorance? This isn’t to excuse them but to remind yourself that hurt people often hurt people.

4. Write a Letter You’ll Never Send

Pour your feelings out in a letter, but don’t hit “send.” It’s a safe space to get everything off your chest, unfiltered. You’ll feel lighter, and sometimes just expressing the emotions can help release their hold on you.

Read also: The Role of Self-Love in a Relationship: Loving Yourself Before Loving Another

5. Focus on What You Can Control

You can’t control what happened or how they behave. The only thing you have power over is your reaction. Forgiveness is about reclaiming your power, not giving it away. So, focus on your feelings. Focus on you. Every other thing is secondary.

Letting Go: The Next Step After Forgiveness

1. Cut the Replays

Have you ever caught yourself replaying the hurt in your mind like a Netflix series you can’t turn off? It is time to cancel that subscription.

Dwelling on the past only keeps the wound fresh. Distract yourself, meditate, or replace those thoughts with affirmations like, “I deserve peace.”

2. Practice Gratitude

Gratitude sounds cliché, but it’s a game-changer. Focus on what is good in your life right now. When you are busy appreciating what you have, there is less room for resentment. Regardless of how little they are, appreciation will help you cultivate a positive mindset.

3. Invest in Your Future

Channel that emotional energy into something productive. Take up a new hobby, start a passion project, or focus on your goals. When you are busy building a bright future, the shadows of the past fade away. Try it and you will enjoy it.

4. Surround Yourself with Positivity

Ever notice how being around toxic people makes it harder to move on? Surround yourself with supportive friends and uplifting experiences. Positivity is contagious, and it helps you see the bigger picture.

5. Seek Professional Help if Needed

Let’s normalize therapy, shall we? Sometimes, forgiveness and letting go are bigger than what you can handle alone. Talking to a counselor or therapist can provide tools to help you navigate the journey. It may cost some money, but the reward is immense.

The Benefits of Forgiveness and Letting Go

Better Mental Health

Forgiveness isn’t just an emotional detox. It is also a mental health boost. Studies show it reduces stress, anxiety, and depression. Your brain will thank you for letting go of that emotional weight.

Improved Relationships

Carrying unresolved hurt often spills into other relationships. Forgiving frees you to be more present and open with the people who matter most.

Physical Health Perks

Believe it or not, forgiveness can lower blood pressure and improve heart health. Holding onto grudges is bad for your mood and body. Let it go and free yourself.

A Renewed Sense of Freedom

Forgiveness and letting go are like unclogging a drain—it clears out emotional blockages so life can flow more freely. You’ll feel lighter, happier, and more in control.

Forgiveness and Letting Go in Everyday Life

At Work

Got a coworker who threw you under the bus during that meeting? Forgive them, not for their sake but so you can focus on climbing your career ladder without the weight of resentment.

In Family

Family drama can be the hardest to navigate. But forgiving that sibling or parent doesn’t mean you have to ignore toxic patterns. Set boundaries and focus on the love you can share.

In Relationships

Romantic heartbreak can feel like the ultimate betrayal. But holding onto anger won’t heal you. Rather, it will only keep you stuck. Forgiveness lets you close one chapter so you can start another, whether that’s with them or someone new.

When Forgiveness Feels Impossible

Take Your Time
Forgiveness isn’t a race. If the wound is deep, it might take months or even years to fully heal. Be patient with yourself. I believe you are doing the best you can.

Forgive in Layers

Sometimes, forgiveness happens in stages. One day, you might feel at peace, and the next, the anger resurfaces. That’s okay—it’s part of the process.

Find Closure Your Way

Closure doesn’t have to come from them. Create your own rituals – write a goodbye letter, release a balloon, or meditate on releasing the hurt.

Final Thoughts

Forgiveness and letting go aren’t about being weak or letting others walk all over you. It is about being strong enough to prioritize your peace. Life is too short to carry the weight of old wounds. Choose freedom. Choose happiness. And when all else fails, choose a really good laugh to remind you that joy is always within reach.

What about you? Have you ever struggled with forgiveness? How did you let go? Let’s share our stories in the comments—it might just help someone else take that first step.